#a lot of the personal crap
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this will always be the greatest moment in the history of doctor who documentaries tbh
#personal crap#doctor who#classic who#fifth doctor#peter davison#fourth doctor#tom baker#the best part is tom embellishes things a lot but we all know he's telling the truth about this#tbh since i first saw this documentary like a decade ago this has lived rent free in my head
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The Ryoko Kui interview's reception is such a disaster over a pretty normal (yet still flawed) interview between a non-Japanese fan and Japanese artistic. This is discourse for discourse's sake, and it's no surprise that almost every Twitter user I've looked at who's using this interview to parade Kui around as a goated mangaka standing strong against Western ideology is anti-trans.
Like, I do think the interview was kinda wonky with its focus on fandom culture, which Kui clearly didn't have much interest in. But sometimes that happens. Sometimes interactions between two people, especially a fan and a creator, two people who view and interact with a piece of media in completely opposite perspectives, don't click. Does this really need to get blown up into a "West vs. East culture war" issue.
Anyways, Kui saying "I don't consider my audience's interpretations when writing. I leave it to their imaginations, but I have my own read on things too" is the healthiest, most normal thing an artist/writer who wants a non-parasocial audience could say. Artists and writers use this line all the time. If Kui didn't enjoy autistic Laius or Farcille headcanons, she would have probably voiced/signalled her discomfort, like she did on the topic of Senshi fanservice. Overall, Kui handled the interview really well. Props to her to sticking to her guns and keeping a healthy disconnect from the fandom. While I think the interviewer could've/should've been more tactful and restrained, the flaws in their questions is not a symptom of the woke mind virus trying to wriggle its way into the pure Japanese psyche. It's the sign of an over-eager fan who sees a piece of fiction differently than its creator.
#personal#delete later#this isn't even worth talking about in depth#but it's crazy that we're rehashing the āartist intent vs fan interpretationā crap again.#read stuart hall's encoding/decoding.#is it so terrible that laius reads to nd people as autistic even though the writer wasn't thinking about it#is that really something to criticize#also you may think the last sentence is me exaggerating but that's literally what the twt discourse is about#anyways i feel bad for the interviewer who's getting harassed over this#i'm seeing every side of discourse be super uncharitable toward them because it's funnier to make them sound outta touch and confrontationa#like. i'm seeing posts from cool people making the interviewer look like they asked āwhy did you make laius autistic??ā#when the actual text of the interview goes āa lot of nd people interpreted laius as autistic. did you have that in mind when writing him?ā#and obviously i think a lot of fandom people upset about this are weird too. joking that kui. a real person. is probably autistic is weird#but who am i more willing to criticize. the overeager parasocial fans taking things a too far and making things kinda weird#or the ākill the woke mind virusā weeabo/otaku terfs who still use the r-slur against queer/nd teen anime fans
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I love singNsong again reminding people in Side Story that Dokja wanted other people to read TWSA (he wrote reviews and comments! It was his first wish), and he only stopped bothering because people harassed him for it. He didn't gate-keep the story. When he's avoiding talking to Sangah about it at the beginning of ORV, it's because he knows what happens when he tells people about the story, not because he's gate-keeping it from her. He notes he's not proud of his hobby (likely because he's been bullied all through his life, including for reading the thing he loves): he finds it embarrassing to talk about, and better respects her studying Spanish in her free time (learning another language is a generally accepted thing in society). He assumes she won't care or will look at him funny (or worse) for when she learns about the novel he's into.
Basically anyone writing "let's gatekeep ORV" posts because of the anime announcement or because they dislike the manhwa or some other weirdness, y'all are the villains in the scenario.
The literal climax of the story is about sharing ORV with as many people as possible. What story were y'all reading?
#orv#really tired of the stupid gate-keepy bs in some parts of this fandom#omniscient reader's viewpoint#kim dokja#side story spoilers#it's been quite fascinating seeing novel fanatics come out of the woodwork against potential anime fans#while showing how much they hate the manhwa and manhwa fans too#the only actual official English translation we have is the manhwa#acting like we're all in this together like no#I adore the novel and the manhwa#and folks who started with the manhwa or just happen to also like the manhwa but also like the novel see you for what you are#avoiding talking about something is not gatekeeping#it's often recognizing various social cues#like oh this person probably isn't familiar and I don't care to explain#or I'm worried they'll treat me badly if they know#when you're trying to connect with someone you tend to look for things you share not stuff you don't#if Dokja heard about people trying to gatekeep orv he would be disgusted#also NOT gatekeeping orv is literally the climax of the story I am so deeply confused by people encouraging gatekeeping of it#you're making han suyeong mad#she didn't nearly kill herself writing orv in order to share it to everyone they could find so people could gatekeep it#that is literally the opposite of the goal#it's not bad to ask if folks have read the novel because for a variety of reasons folks may not have#but it is bad to act like reading the novel is a fandom requirement especially given all we have is a fantranslation using MTL#or you must love the novel above others or the novel only#I want singnsong to get fucking rich from this story they shared and which I and many adore#gatekeeping does not make that happen#also good luck getting people to buy the Yen Press novel translation when it comes out when you act like this#the manhwa is available in at least seven languages officially fuck off with this gatekeeping crap#don't get me started how a lot of y'all don't even know what twatf is and a good chunk of y'all who won't even touch it when you do know#and that doesn't exactly bother me but it does bug me when book purists get all high and mighty
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Imagine Bruce starting therapy and learning about all these cool new tricks and gadgets that can help with emotional regulation and getting super invested (because I mean, cāmon, the dudeās like the king of gadget hoarding, heās got a utility belt for goodness sake)
Then imagine the learning curve of him realizing that just because something works great for one of his kids, doesnāt mean it works for all of them, as illustrated by this memorable incident:
Jason gets really upset and starts having a minor panic attack about something
Bruce, proud owner of 14 new weighted blankets (in various styles, weights, and sizes), tries to wrap his adult son up in one to ground him
After all, Bruce himself finds them super comforting because itās basically a socially acceptable alternative to wearing a massive Kevlar cape 24/7 like heād do if he could
(Tim loves them too, so like, kid tested, parent approvedā¢ļø)
Ends up totally backfiring when the added weight & restricted movement sends Jason into a full-blown flashback of digging out of his own grave, taking this panic attack from like a 4 to a 10
Whoops
#I just like the concept of one therapeutic approach working wonders for someone#and being another personās worst nightmare#and both things being valid#because people are different#and sometimes you gotta try a lot of crap to find something that helps#same for clicky fidget toys and white noise machines and indoor swings#Dick loves spinning in the the swing#and Damian once did a few too many spins (showing off) and puked on Titus because he gets super motion sick#not that heāll ever admit it#Jason likes to stress bake#whereas Duke cannot eat when stressed#like appetite negative three#itās okay though because Steph will eat like 6 muffins herself while rambling for 40 minutes straight about some situation with a coworker#so it all evens out#batman headcanon#batfam
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i just had a reese's buttercup for the first time and i have to say, you americans are WEIRD š¤Ø
#personal crap#it was NOT good. it tasted like salt. it actually tasted a lot like jordnƶttsringar. which i hate.
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dumping some thoughts in the tags
#I've been TRYING hard okay#I've been trying to buy better clothes from smaller shops#but when they arrive it turns out they're cheap polyester drop ship crap#I've been trying to get more involved in the queer community and be more of a person#but the online zoom meetings were uncomfortable#the discord transmasc voice class went badly because I didn't understand how to use the bot#I booked a queer film night for me and my partner but it turned out to be creepy and churchy so we dropped out#I've signed up to steward pride we'll see how that goes#I went to a protest but it rained a lot so I only stayed for half#I've been trying to use amazon less but every time I go around my small local stores they don't have any of the stuff I'm looking for#I'm trying to be more myself and be more brave but my binders don't fit and I can't use a sewing machine#and every time I speak to a stranger or a colleague my voice goes up#I'm trying to work out more and eat less but I'm so tired#I'm trying to boycott and buy slave-free and say no to Ai and to genocide and to tiktok and disney and nestle and spotify#Telling myself I have food at home and to stop scrolling reddit and got get more sleep and to call my friends#All this therapy all these good choices all this work and so little to show for it some days#I am going back to fucking bed
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"Hamas are using their own kids as human shields! Hamas are using hostages as human shields! Hamas are using aid workers as human shields!"
STOP TRYING TO USE THIS ARGUMENT
IF IT WAS TRUE THEN WHY THE FUCK HAS IT LITERALLY. NEVER. WORKED.
I'M SO FUCKING SICK OF SEEING THIS ON ANY POST ABOUT THE GENOCIDE. ZIONISTS ARE LITERALLY SO FUCKING STUPID. AND EVIL.
ISRAEL HAS NEVER HESITATED TO SHOOT AND BOMB PALESTINIAN CHILDREN.
EVEN IF HAMAS WAS ANYWHERE NEAR AS EVIL AS ZIONISTS MAKE THEM OUT TO BE, EVEN IF THEY ENJOYED WATCHING THEIR OWN CHILDREN DIE HORRIBLY, WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY WANT TO DECIMATE THEIR OWN POPULATION.
NO MATTER HOW YOU JUSTIFY IT WE ALL KNOW YOU THINK EVERY PALESTINIAN IS JUST A TERRORIST, YOU THINK IT'S FUCKING GENETIC.
TO ANY ZIONISTS I HAVEN'T ALREADY BLOCKED: COME AT ME MOTHERFUCKERS! GIVE ME A FREE BLOCKLIST. JUST STOP TRYING TO USE THIS ARGUMENT IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS!
#free gaza#free palestine#fuck israel#soso ssick of seeing it#The other crap they spew is bad enough#But this argument is beyond proven wrong#Watch the zionists either type 'death to hamas' or some dumb shit#Or try to ignore this#They're pathetic#ik a lot of the time it's just bots repeating whatever shit they've been prompted to say#But when it's an actual person it makes me want to Stab
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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#parallax#voyager things#i love the bāelanna/chakotay dynamic and we didnāt get enough of it#he knows exactly when tough love is the thing#but is in her corner 900%#heāll just yell his support#'you made my day lousy!'#'now get your crap together i'm making you chief engineer'#seriously imagine this guy getting ready to pitch torres to the captain#and then getting the call that she just put someone in sickbay#he groans but doesn't give up#'alright well guess i'll have to put on my armor and do this under a hail of arrows'#'gonna be a lot harder than it shoulda been but it's gonna happen'#'i believe in you you impossible person'
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this was extremely real of him. but he forgot to mention this part:
#personal crap#doctor who#classic who#fifth doctor#peter davison#thank you for your service by wearing black undies with pale cricket trousers sir š«”#lbr five is a gift to men enjoyers regardless of gender but yk#i just had a thought that makes that screenshot a lot worse: panty davison
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I love being aroace, but I desperately need friends who will prioritize me and won't make me their second choice without it turning into them having a crush on me.
Being pushed aside for a romantic partner hurts. Being less of a priority to someome I've known for YEARS than someone they've known for like 3 months is DEVASTATING.
Having a friendship with someone who prioritizies me and puts me first and is intentional about the effort and time they put in is all I want. And call me selfish but I want them to do it without falling in love with me.
I want them to do it platonically. Or alterously.
And you know what? I'm sick of people having crushes on me. I'm sick of friends building an entire relationship with me just to come out and say they only did it cause they wanted to kiss me. Or fuck me. Or both.
And then they get angry because I don't see them that way. They get resentful because they acted like thidls and behaved this way with the intention of is being a romantic investment.
And now I have to deal with the emotional distress of having someone pour so much into me, love me, prioritize me, doing a complete 180. And them resenting me for being upset that their behavior towards me has changed.
Them being resentful that I still expect thier usual behavior, because to me those were stardards for a platonic relationship that they set with me, and to them it was all a ploy to get me to be their girlfriend. They don't want a qpr. Thats never good enough for them.
#I know I keep posting and deleting my angsty aroace posts#i love being aromantic#i love being asexual#most of the time at least#but sometimes its just a lot#i wanna be prioritized#im tired of being put on a back burner because im ājust a friendā#like wtf does that even mean?!#and i'm tired of being lead to believe we're close friends because you wanna date me or you want in my pants#aromantic vent#asexual vent#its aroace cause i said so but mostly its aro#<<< the vent i mean#angst#aroace#aromantic#aromanticism#asexual#asexuality#queerplatonic#qpr#i'm just really tired of this crap#ive gotten to the point where i genuinely mourn the relationship when they get a s/o or they confess to me#because we are never gonna be the same again#i love when their happy and they have an s/o and that makes them happy#i love that they have someone who loves them and that they love#but damnit why is this persons time more important to you than mine???#its even worse when its someone that they acknowledge doesn't treat them great#not abusive just like they aren't a very attentive partner. why are they getting prioritized but they won't prioritize you back??#chi speaks
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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if there's one thing that i have a penchant for, its Drawing Stupid Shit. even years before the beta testers got their little hands on the game early and we didn't really fully understand the lore of the game or its characters, i've been Drawing Stupid Shit. here i have a handful of the aforementioned Stupid Shit, some with team snakemouth and some without. mostly featuring kabbu as an exasperated "big brother" type, when tanjerin was still considered very childish instead of just full of overconfidence. these are all done traditionally except for the last one because i was having a phase so i surely still have the original sketchbooks lying around somewhere...
#bug fables#fanart#scrap crap#you may recognize some of these expressions#thats because a lot of emotes in the bug fables or in my husbant and i's personal servers are based off of these old sketches#thats a lil fun fact for ya
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#i have been sobbing or alternatively holding back tears through sheer force of will for 13 hours#and i'm exhausted#welcome to the part of rags that processes on a delay#i'm a great person to have in an emergency#the emotional crap hits the fan afterward#the church is breaking my heart#and yet all of this -gestures wildly- is succeeding in making me look a little more kindly on history#a previous me would often ask#'where was the church/the good people during the crusades and the events that led up to the trail of tears and the holocaust' and on and on#and i think the answer is they were right there#history is afterall not written by who loved best but by who won#they were right there#loving hard and weeping and trying and crying out to God to turn his people's hearts back to mercy and away from power#today's endless and damless lament can be compared to only a handful of times in my life so far#(thank heaven for that)#the unexpected death of a friend and the borderline nervous breakdown at the lowest point of depression#and then you have today#it's such a tangle of things and too complicated for even me to name a lot of it#but most of it is heartbreak from how the (especially american bc that is where i am) church is failing Christ and each other and the world#i can handle bad from the world#i cannot hold the weight of this idolatry to power#thank God this place is not my home and that the church#though deeply wounded by its own excesses and self-serving#is being redeemed and forever belongs to Christ and his kingdom#these kingdoms of earth shatter and trample us#the only thing to hold onto is the kingdom of heaven#i have cried myself sick and i'm going to bed
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it actually kind of sucks when you want to participate in gen stuff in a fandom but half the people who do that stuff have you blocked or on DNIs because of one ship you might happen to support, really hate this "your ships define you as a fan in totality" thing in fandom these days
#yes this is 100% about me being a visible wolf jackson fan but having a lot of that visibility killed by the fact i'm probably on blocklists#over also shipping beetlebabes#like can the fandom kids no longer compartmentalize?#anyway all of you following me for wolf content who don't ship beetlebabes but you're still chill- you're the real mvps#my content is only for you cool cool people who don't do weird anti crap anyway#(and wolf hates antis he told me personally he's an actor not a cop after all)
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A. Kirkland- Pitbrow Woman, '81
In the last month or so, my interest in nyo!England has blossomed. Yet, I have long disliked the canon stylization of the character.
Ms. Alice Kirkland has never been one to shy away from physical labor or the harsh realties of her own people. Even at the height of her international power, it was rare that- unless directly requested by the monarch or prime minster- that she lived among the aristocrats for long periods of time. A stark difference between her and her French counterpart. While her rebellious days as a sailor were behind her, throughout the 1800s it was not uncommon to find her either in the mines, in a factory, or tending to her own country estate farm.
References and Inspirations bellow cut, Programs used: MS Paint and Krita
I could not have done any of this without these references.
#don't zoom in to close are you will see all my fucks ups that I just gave up trying to fix lamo#Things I googled for this āwhen did large industrial chains become commonā#It's 1880 btw#worked so longer to figure out patterns only for it not to show up at all on the apron#and I am so sorry to all plaid lovers and all of Ireland and Scotland#I have shakey hands and my lines turned out horrible but by the time I saw how bad it looked I was on day 3 and was in to deep to change it#she is standing on the rocks cus she like to be tall#but man the first ref. photo has helped me learn how to draw arms and shit#bless it#fingers and face shape are the things I for sure how to keep working at#the ankle to the foot as well#lots of crap actually#god this is so bad haha but Im tired of looking at it#she is still a colonist not good person shithead#alice kirkland#hetalia#hws england#historical hetalia#hws france#hws#my art#hetalia fanart#hetalia axis powers#aph england#hws alice kirkland#MS Paint#krita#nyotalia#hws nyo england#nyo England
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